SnLog 2012.

It’s been approximately 12 hours since our first ever Zeteo conference ended this morning. All day I’ve been dying to write about it, feeling this fire and this need to spill out words about everything in my heart and everything that we saw and experienced. But every time I start writing, I feel like my words just fail in comparison to the real thing. How do you describe what it feels like to re-discover things you didn’t know you knew?

I tried to say it last night, and I can’t seem to shake it. You know, those things that you know in the pit of your heart. You know they are true but you are too scared to believe them because you don’t want to get let down again. You don’t want to be left again. You don’t want to set yourself up just to brace for the fall. You’re tired of fighting, you’re tired of waiting.

But underneath all the rocks.

Underneath all the stuff.

Underneath all the confusion and lies and betrayal.

Under the rubble…

If you just keep searching. If you just keep digging. You find it.

You find that thing you knew all along but didn’t let yourself know until someone reminded you. Until we all came together and reminded each other.

That there’s hope. Because we serve a God who sticks by us in spite of ourselves. We love a God who loves us even when we are at our worst moment. And he will sit with us in our rubble, behind our rock, in our denial, amidst our stuff…

because he promises to never leave. Because he’s faithful. Because he’s strong.

Because he’s loving.

That’s why there’s hope. He’s given us that.  From that first moment when the spirit of the Lord hovered over the surface of the deep and breathed into our lungs…so that we’d always have this part of us…however small…that wouldn’t lose heart.

That wouldn’t stop searching.

That wouldn’t give up.

That sounds confusing and circular, and that’s probably because it is. But that’s what Zeteo was all about. This is the beauty, this is the life: the opportunity to run around in circles, only to find God is with us at every step of the race. The chance to push against a rock and know whether we moved it or not, the God we serve is stronger than it could ever be. To experience moments where it didn’t matter if your voice sounded pretty or not because you realized you were singing to a FAITHFUL GOD, and you just wanted him to know in your loudest voice that you want to be faithful back. 

How do I put it into words? How do I articulate it? The way it sounds when a hotel shakes with the voices of a generation crying out for revival? How it looks when the same faces that see hate and hurt and hopelessness in the world everyday are able to dance together in a joy they can’t contain? How your heart skips in that second when you realize the ground you are standing on…is holy?

When God’s voice is so close that you can’t deny that you’ve heard it. When you find yourself finally asking the questions you know you’ve been asking all along. When the answers are no longer as important as the God of the answers. When your hands are shaking and your face is trembling because you see the emptiness of the places in which you put your faith, and the fullness of life in the place you just won’t go. When your fear is crippiling and your hope is fading,

but you just get a glimpse of that light.

forgiveness.

another chance.

grace.

truth.

courage.

And that’s it. That one little spark, is just enough.

It’s just enough to remind you that the thing underneath all the rubble is the strongest thing of all.

It’s the rock beyond the rock.

The purpose behind your purpose.

It’s the water from the well that won’t run dry and wherever the river flows there is life.

 It’s the love that loves even when it hurts.

It is the strength that is made perfect in weakness.

And understanding that is only the beginning. Because if you find what you’re looking for…you’ll only find that you want more

of what you’re looking for.

And if you’re looking for the right thing,

then there’s always more.

The choice is up to you.

“My love is over, it’s underneath. It’s inside. It’s in between.”